Leave your ego at the door

Yoga is dangerous.

This morning, my yoga mama of a mother spent an hour on the phone trying to convince me that my yoga practice is not like I’ve been telling myself—that if I continue practicing like this I will eventually hurt my back. “No,” she said, “you already have an injury. If you can’t do a mini-backbend standing up and if you have to bend your knees that far in front of the sink to wash your face, you have already hurt yourself.”

Crap.

Her solution? “You need to practice the one-minute roll-down. No leg lifts, no crunches. Just the one-minute roll-down and the pose where both your legs and arms are in the air.” Boat pose. I hate Boat pose.

Correction: my ego hates Boat pose, and my ego is what hurt me in the first place.

A year ago today, Mom and I were hanging out in Phoenix, preparing for our Final Teach in yoga teacher training. On the tile floor of our friend’s condo, we played yoga music and practiced talking each other through poses. When one of us complained of not being able to do a pose right, the other would quip, “Leave your ego at the door!”

Easier said than done. The ego is that little voice in your head that, in the middle of yoga class, will whisper, “Come on, you can touch your toes with straight knees.” It will whisper, “Check out that pose in the mirror in the back of the room—perfect! Move the top arm slightly—perfect.” The ego will whisper, “Wow, she can put her foot all the way on her thigh in Tree pose. I can’t do that.”

Ego’s pressure only delivers sore knees and backs that feel like they’ve been chopped at the waist. Ego’s pressure can seriously injure the discs in your lower back, like it did my friend KW, who has just started yoga again after a five-month hiatus.

Yesterday, my lower back and my knee said, “Enough! You HAVE to stop treating us like this… we WON’T stand for this anymore!” And before they need actual medical treatment, I’m going to listen.

Which is why, on the phone with my mom this morning, she had to convince me that I already had an injury to fix. Of course, I didn’t tell her about the knee—I figured that the lower back was enough.

The knee… Ego wants to do half-lotus pose. Seriously wants to. But what ego doesn’t understand is that to do half-lotus pose, I must first undo twenty-odd years of habits. That’s going to take some time. Ego needs to learn to shut up and celebrate the fact that I’m learning to take care of myself… let ego be proud of that for a change.

Anusara instructor Desiree Rumbaugh says that she lets her injuries teach her more about the body. What I do know is that the knee and the lower back are related—through the hip. If the hip is tight, the stress focuses on the knee. If the knees are straight in a forward fold, the stress focuses on the lower back. One thing affects the other, etc. It’s a dangerous chain of dominoes. Time to find out more about this string of dominoes. Mom says that the one-minute roll-down strengthens the core muscles and protects the lower back. I believe her—because in theory, I know it’s true.

What’s funny to me—and sobering—is recognizing the pride of the whole moment. During the past year, as we both started teaching, I remember lecturing Mom a couple of times about being kind to her body with her rheumatoid arthritis. But today she lectured me—for all my big talk trying to protect my mother, I did not protect myself. Good thing I have a yoga mama—and I still think it’s hilarious that we both practice. I love sharing this with her.