30: All of these lines across my face...

...tell you the story of who I am...

Tonight Brandi Carlile performed outside downtown Pittsburgh as part of the Three Rivers Arts Festival. As she took the stage, she said it was probably the largest crowd she had ever performed for.

Nearly four years ago, in October of 2007, I saw her perform for about 100 people on Bigelow Boulevard, outside the Cathedral of Learning on Pitt's campus. At the time, I took her performance - which I could attend free, as a Pitt student - as a sign from God that I should live in Pittsburgh. Her first album, The Story, was soundtracking my move and adjustment to Pittsburgh.

...it's hard to let the miles pass me by...

I was lonely and didn't yet know anyone I could call and say, "hey, come see this no-name singer with me." So I walked to campus for the concert on the middle of a Saturday afternoon. She had already started performing when I arrived. I watched her last five songs from the sidelines - as much sidelines as there are when 100 people watch a concert in the middle of the street. The songs were love songs.

I walked home crying. Lucky thing it was through a park and no one saw.

I was 26 years old - "entering my late 20's," I remember telling my mother, who then said that 26 was too young to call "late 20's."

...wishing I was 10 again, so I could be your friend again...

On Monday, I will turn 30.

30.

This hasn't been a major mental deal for me. 2010 and 29 took care of that - with the marriage, the graduation, the no-longer-being-a-student, and the homeowning. Turning 30 just feels like it seals the deal: I'm an adult. No, more than that. I'm maturing, or something.

I suppose it also means admitting that I'm no longer 13, no longer wishing for my drivers license so I could drive to the pool instead of beg Mom for a ride.

...these days we go to waste like wine, turned to turpentine...

Tonight when Brandi took the stage, turning 30 started to gain significance. But I couldn't put my finger on it at first.

She was different. Different from Oct 2007, I mean. She looked... matured. I wish I knew a better word for it. Like she knew she was a little bit country and a little bit rock-n-roll. Like she knew who she was, and who she was belonged on that stage.

And I realized that her concert symbolized something in me, not her.

Who I am belonged...

...in the audience watching and singing along.

...dancing with one of my favorite two-year-olds during her rock-n-roll song.

...sitting on a blanket with Kylie, who is no longer a random existentialist.

...finding that that the random people who sat down next to us were people I knew from Pitt.

...in Pittsburgh.

In her encore, Brandi Carlile admitted to lately listening to songs of the 80's. She played a bit of Madonna, and a bit of "Forever Young." She's been listening to the 80's because she recently turned 30.

When she admitted that, Kylie whispered to me, "This is your birthday concert." I knew the lines next to his eyes, even as night crept over the city.

For her final song, Brandi Carlile sang, "Hallelujah" - the Leonard Cohen song, not the chorus.

...your faith was strong but you needed proof...

...it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah...

...the holy or broken Hallelujah..

Hallelujah.