Christmas Eve

My parents and I love having coffee and reading and talking in the morning. Perhaps this is one of the best joys about being home for the holidays--company for coffee. While my dad wakes up, drinks coffee, and begins working quickly, my mom and I love lingering over our coffee and solving the problems of the world before we start our day. 

This morning, the problems of the world included my books ideas. For the past semester, I have been agonizing over book ideas. By the end of my MFA program, I need to write 200 coherent pages of Creative Nonfiction, and they should be publishable. So here's one of the questions my professor asked my class in order to get our brains working:

"What do you want to say that will change the world?"

Change the world? That's a lot to ask out of one meager book written by someone in their late twenties. It is, however, a familiar question in the Christian world. The Gospel of Christ does change and has changed the world, and according to the Great Commission, it is our job as Christians to change the world with that message.

This idea has gotten me into trouble with myself several times. Instead of "change the world," I tend to think, "save the world"--that changing is equivalent to saving. Not true. Also, it puts great pressure on me to do something I cannot do. Ergo: I work very hard at an impossible goal and become burned out, stressed out, and all-in-all out-of-sorts.

When I think of things from the top down: "How do you want to change the world?" I think too big, too important, too impossible, and altogether too much of myself. It is not a good experience because I never measure up and always end up watching too much television. The bottom line is that I cannot save the world. I cannot even change the world. Not by myself.

In Psalm 131, King David says, "my heart is not proud, nor my eyes haughty; Nor do I involve myself in great matters, or in things too difficult for me." Good call, David. I should take a hint. 

Christmas reminds me that Jesus already came and saved and changed the world. His presence is still here in the form of the Holy Spirit, who continually saves and changes the world. He already did it and still does.

The pressure's off.

My responsibility, then, when I hear that question, is not to think, "How can Renee change the world?" but to think, "Where is God already changing the world?" and then, "How might I participate in that?" Or, maybe even being aware of where God is working and changing and saving is enough. God does not ask me to do His job, but to follow in His shadow and imitate Him.

Part of this means being aware what is life-giving to me. If I'm going to work for three years on a book, I cannot pick an idea that is exhausting even to fathom, but something that is exciting to me. Books can change the world, but they don't do that by depleting the author. Although writing a book has been compared to giving birth to a baby, nearly every mother will also say that the labor was worth the baby. Giving birth to a baby is life-giving. Birthing a book, though hard, should also be life-giving. This gives me a little bit more direction as I search for a book idea.

Jesus is the giver of life. The savior of the world. He lives inside our hearts, and that which is life-giving will ultimately change the world. "Be the change you want to see in the world," said Gandhi. Perhaps this change is simply being aware of the Holy Spirit and Jesus in the world... and in me...   which was all made possible by a tiny baby in a manger, 2000 years ago.

Merry Christmas.